Dont promise me.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

looking at nek uda just now, really reminded me
of my late grandmother . dhey really looked alike .
its been a long tyme since i last prayed for her &
donated al-fatihah to her . its been years since
she passed away , leaving us, her grandchildren, sons,
daughters, son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws & husband,
to continue with life , without her .

nenek, adek rindukn nenek .
adek rindu cara nenek pujok adek
tiap kali adek kene marah dgn mak atau abah .
adek rindu pujian nenek . adek rindukan
kucupan dan belaian nenek . adek maseh
ingat cara nenek tenangkn adek biler
adek kesedihan sebab mak mengandung lagi .
nenek, skrg biler nenek dah tkder, adek
dah tkder tmpt nk mengadu . tkder tmpt nk
mintak simpati . dah tk der org nk pujok
adek biler adek kene marah . dah tkder org
nk halang mak dan abah drpd marahkn adek .
nenek, knp nenek tglkn adek ?
ya allah, kau ampunilah segala dosa
nenekku, ya allah . kau lindungilah dier
dari siksaan kubur, ya allah . kau tempatkanlah
dier di kalangan orgorg yg beriman . amin .

kenduri for arwah nenek was conducted
at my house just now . seing all dhose relatives
whom i`ve long seen & nvr seen was kinda weird .
its pathetic to actually not know your own relatives .
but, cant blame me . dada only bring us to see dhem,
once a year . dhere`s loads of people whom i dont know
exist . like, nek uda , my late grandmother`s sister .

looking at her really reminded me about my late grandmother .
how much i miss her, only god knows . being reminded about
the dead, wasnt a real good thing . but, i cant stop myself
from remembering her since she was already like my
second mother , the one whom i was closest to . dierlah
ubat, dierlah racun . she was basically my everything .
& losing her was like my greatest nightmare . god took her away,
when i was in k1 . & at dhat point of time, i know nuthg abt life
& death . when i was told abt her death, all i could say was " ouh .
knp nenek pergi ? nnty nenek dtg amek adek sekali kn ? "
i can still rmbr dhat one night when i dreamt about her .
and she said dhis to me , " adek, nenek dah kene pergi .
nenek tkkn dtg balek . biler adek rindukn nenek, jgnlah segan-segan
dtg kubur nenek tok jgn nenek . jage dier yerr syg . nenek pegi
dulu . " & the next moment, she was gone . i told my mom
abt dhat dream but, my mom`s reaction, doesnt explain anythg .
all i could see was tears flowing .

as days pass by, i managed to forget her bit by bit . but to forget
her totally, dhats a total NEVER . i continued my life without having
my second mother by my side . dhere`s no more fairy god mother
to protect me from being scolded nor to take my hiccups away . all
i know, i had to continue with life without her . as i grow older, moma
& dada explain everythg to me . & now i undersand , the real meaning
of life & death . everyone in this werld will die . dhats for sure . but,
where & when, dhats in god`s hand .

& suddenly today, my memories with her came floating back .
tears came in my eyes each tyme i look at nek uda .
its just too difficult to forget the ones you love .
like how difficult it was for me to forget him* its
double more difficult to forget her . the one i spent
half of my life with . all i could do now, is pray for the best for her .

nenek, adek harap, nenek bahagie di sana .
semoga tuhan mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya .
al-fatihah .

till here // one love .

9:17 PM much loves&kisses