Dont promise me.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

i dont know why .
i just felt guilty for blogging abt you .
& to think dhat i was happy when i got to
know dhat you cried cause you read my blog,
whad a slut i was .

look, i just need you to understand , put yourself in my shoes .
its not easy . the feeling of being betrayed by the one
i used to regard as a friend really sucks & it hurts .
you wont understand .
ive got enuf problems & instead of helping me with dhem,
you added to the pain . you took him away from me .

do you know dhat at dhat point of time, he`s the
only one i could resort to whenever i have problems ?
yes , i know i do have friends around . but, they dont
understand me as much as he does . & they`ve got much more
problems to deal with . you were very close to him .
i just kept quiet . i didnt say anything about it although
deep in my heart, i was against it . i just think of it as
' friends ' & nuthing more . but, when things like dhat
happen , you expect me to just keep quiet & do nuthg abt it ?
i cant possibly laugh & throw a party after losing him ryte ?
i cried . yes , i did . & FYI, its not fake tears . not crocodile
tears . its 1o0 % true .

everything went wrong dhat few days . i lost my family .
my strength . & him . how do you expect me not to be angry with you ?
i gave you time to pick all dhose little pieces dhat you`ve lost, thinking
dhat you`ll come to me , tell me the truth & say sawry . but you didnt .
i tried to understand . " maybe she needs more time . "
but, the longer i waited , the more im confirmed dhat you wont confront me .

but, i kept quiet . " maybe she needs more time ."
but, when i saw you with dhat guy who coincidentally was
my friend`s guy , i got fcuked up . i dont want you
to do the same thing again . i dont want you to hurt her like
you`ve hurt me . i dont want to see her suffer like i do .
i was fcuked up . & dhe post dhat day was filled with hatred & anger .
you cant expect me to write good things abt you after everything
dhat happen ryte ? i didnt expect you to read my blog dhat day .
but you did . i dont understand why , out of a sudden you became
a passer-by of my blog .

when she told me dhat you cried because of my blog, i felt guilty .
i know i was in the wrong . instead of making things better, i know
i was making it worst . i cant blame dhat friend of yours for flaming
me on her blog when dhats exactly whad i did to you . but, i was angry .
cause she wasnt involved in the ferst place . she can call me whatever she
wants , i dont care, but ask her to ask herself does she even have the
rights to do so ?

you told our friend dhat everyone was turning their head off you .
one thing for sure, i didnt ask my friends to do dhat to you .
why would i, when i know dhis thing only involves the two of us &
no one else ?

im not writing dhis to ask for sympathy from anyone . im just pouring
out my feelings, with hopes dhat people would understand & not blame
me for blogging abt her the other day .
i know both of us have our own ego . you dont want to give in, neither
do i . but, i really pity dhose who are friends to both of us .
i dont want it to affect any of dhem . let dhis matter be only betwin the two of us .

tiill here // much love . <3

9:20 PM much loves&kisses